With so much talk about “think positive”. Positive psychology, strength based, solution focused, positive self-talk, let’s not forget, it is hard. To be in the muck of it. To struggle, whatever the reason the struggle began. Whether it’s been there for as long as you remember, or you can pin-point exactly when it began. IT. IS. HARD.

Regardless of being a client or a therapist reading this. Please remember, what it’s like to struggle. Please be gentle with yourselves, be gentle with others. I’m not talking about being unhappy. I’m talking about being unhappy day after day. I’m talking about intrusive thoughts, living in a world that feels like a mine-field of triggers. I’ve met with therapists who go straight to the “what are your strengths?” or flat out reflecting the “strengths they see”. There can be validity to that, but nothing is one sized fit all.

For someone who has rarely or never shared their story, maybe they need their story heard, their struggle, survival, resilience honored, not by reflecting back to them their strengths, but allowing them to first voice their pain. I have, myself, shut down, not returned to counselling sessions when a therapist goes to how “amazing I am”. I don’t seem cracked because I’ve gotten use to not showing people my cracks. Trust me, I’m cracked at the core, just as human as you. But it’s what makes me, me. It’s what has me in this field. I can work with, bare witness to, pain, better because I know it. Better, because I know it’s hard and I respect that it’s hard.

I respect what it takes to reach out, to go through step by step. I respect failure. I respect dropping out, avoidance, calling again year later. To go back to a third session hoping today we get to talk about what wasn’t asked, or felt awkward to bring up the last 2 sessions. It is your struggle, I can’t know it fully, so I don’t judge it. I know struggle, I know what it’s like when it’s not on your face, I know what it’s like when it is and you’re told you can change if you just did x or saw x. Therapists are professionals, but they are human. I believe in all the things I listed above, all the positive stuff I have my moments I don’t want to hear myself, but there is a time, when that readiness is there, the next steps are beautiful. From the struggle there can be such glory. I believe it’s important to walk with and honor each other’s stories. As therapist, I am privileged to see people through their pain to their triumphs. In service to you, I serve myself.